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Big Life

We Hate It When Our Friends become Successful.

February 16, 2016 · By Amy Swift Crosby

Well, no we don’t really, but we kinda do.

Here’s the theory on this: we don’t question ourselves when we see Beyonce with her mogul husband and adorable baby on a yacht in Turkey …because she’s too far from our stratosphere to make comparisons. What irks us most – what makes us privately question, berate and condemn ourselves – is the success of those around us, people who are most like us, and near our socioeconomic status – aka – our friends. Why? Because given the same resources and opportunities, she succeeded…and I didn’t.

“You’re wrong,” you’re saying right now, “I’m always happy for my friends!” Yes of course you are…but it’s a trigger, too. The science behind this makes perfect sense. It’s — proximity — more than anything else — that creates the “compare and despair” mentality. The truth is that as our friends become more successful and famous, they typically open doors for us as well – either financially, spiritually or literally. We like that. But let’s be real – it still stings a little to know that you’re the same age-ish, same education, same small town, same training, same opportunity…and not same popular / tax bracket / fame quotient.

Here’s a quickie to get you out of that jam should you find yourself blinded by the glare of unwanted jealousy / resentment / yearning / self-loathing:

When we long for things / status / success we don’t have, we grow poorer, no matter our resources. Every time we feel satisfied with what we have and where we are, we grow richer, however little we may actually have at the time.

I didn’t make that up. It’s from the philosopher Rousseau. No one’s saying don’t be ambitious or strive for more, but agree that what you have is what you wanted. And go from there. And console yourself that at least you and Bey weren’t besties since pre-K.

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About Me

photo of Amy Swift Crosby

Amy Swift Crosby is a brand strategist and copywriter who has positioned or voiced messaging across the commercial spectrum, from icons like Ford, BVLGARI, Pottery Barn, Pantene and Virgin, to boutique brands like The Wild Unknown, fitness franchise Barre3 and the rebrand of legendary metaphysical bookstore, Bodhi Tree. She has leveraged this expertise to help entrepreneurial women and small businesses owners hone their skills, mission and message, while uncovering their own “voice.” This blog explores “the human side of business,” and universal themes like uncertainty, anxiety, the tension between engagement and disconnection, personal value and most importantly, of finding - and hearing - our own voices in our everyday life.

Photo - Andrew Stiles

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SMARTY began as a thriving community in Los Angeles and Boston with weekly panel discussions and events designed to better understand the mindset and growth strategies behind successful entrepreneurs. Today, SMARTY is a weekly blog written by Amy Swift Crosby who chronicles her life as a creative, parent, entrepreneur and spiritual seeker. As an urban refugee living in a New England seaside village, she unpacks topics ranging from uncertainty and doubt to the built environment and advertising. More on Amy.

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