Last Days on the boat. See you in nine months.

The last days of anything always feel melancholy. Sometimes it’s as simple as the season – saying goodbye to summer. Other times it’s the end of a partnership, a relationship, a business, a project. But last days have such an important role in the way we punctuate our lives – professionally and privately. Last days mean we are in deep presence and appreciation for what was – what it meant, why it happened. But so much of self-help dogma is about finding silver linings and escaping that uncomfortable edge.  Well-meaning friends say, “this is just a transition” or my favorite, “when one door closes….” etc. And we tend to agree with them. But maybe we shouldn’t re-market these themes back to ourselves. Because that’s what they are. Marketing. We are typically selling ourselves out of feeling uncomfortable. But why NOT be a little bit blue about the end? Why NOT sit in that feeling for more than a minute? And why do so many of us feel we need to tell ourselves “I didn’t want that anyway” or “maybe it worked out for the best.” Well maybe it did, but maybe it effing did NOT. Maybe you wanted it really badly but didn’t get it. It’s so easy to talk ourselves out of what’s “hard” because enduring it, being in it, seeing who you are in those dark places is brutal. But is it possible we could come out better for having not pulled the parachute too fast?

Risk can be terrifying. Unknowns can be torture. Relationships can feel unsteady. Work can have curveballs. Confidence can be shaken.

The nausea of vulnerability and change are places we don’t voluntarily dwell. But maybe we don’t have to make that go away so fast. There’s something for us in the rabbit hole, as anyone who has ever had dark, uncertain days can tell you. But we have to be there (and stay there for a minute) to find out.

Isn’t it amazing how each of us can now dial our lives and experiences down to the most granular, seemingly insignificant level? Not only can we be our own DJ’s and turn on the alarm for the house from 20 miles away, we can tap into podcasts and audiobooks while having our teeth cleaned, plug our menstrual cycles into apps that calculate ovulation, look at our wrists to see how many steps we took that day – and get business cards designed, printed and shipped – in two days. More and more, our lives are becoming customizable – but you know what that does to everything that ISN’T? It makes us cranky. As we get more and more accustomed to things being connected, in sync, measurable, on-demand and tuned into our every mood and preference, all of the elements of life that are out of our control – relationships, business deals, creative projects, partnerships – all of those variables that cannot be swiped, clicked or downloaded  – become incrementally more frustrating.

It’s simple, actually. We’re getting used to having our way with our worlds. But the world is still reminding us that we’re human, people are people, life is still life – and most of it is still out of our control.

So now we get to practice tolerance. Patience. Flexibility.

Funny how the technical pace of life might also be accelerating our spiritual paths. If we let it.

Here’s a list of some of my favorite customization tools.

A question I get a lot is, “how hard is it to start a….line of toxin free tween cosmetics? A bathing suit company? A beauty blog? A sportswear brand? A water bottle company? A styling business?” 

Want to know the answer?

Yah. It’s hard.

Does that change anything? The truth is, starting the thing is pretty simple – plenty of businesses can be started without too many headaches. But it’s everything after that – biz dev, the sales, the number of clients, clicks, registrations, views… each of those have their own strategy for success. Beyond all that, it’s the noise of a marketplace that won’t tolerate average- or even good enough – anymore. It just won’t.

So ‘is it hard’ should just be an assumed and resounding yes. But the better question to ask is, can I really do something that is not only original in its essence and offering (very hard), but can I do it in a way that keeps them watching, clicking, browsing, buying, talking, sharing, referring, opening….because if you think you can, then maybe you should. But I find myself on the reluctant side of many of those questions. Here’s what I ask myself before anything else:

Do I, or anyone on my internal, BFF team, do any of the critical things it takes to make this work?

Is money a “nice” thing or an “essential” thing for the success of it?

Am I just another human putting more content or widgets into a world that already has too many?

How good is the existing average? Brilliant? Mediocre?

Average can only stay in business as long as nothing else comes along for comparison. Which it usually does. But the higher the average starts, the harder it is to leap over it. And that’s what makes it worth doing. So go for it if you’re really ready to play the game. But know there’s no shame in passing on good ideas that can’t make that leap, too.

This past weekend I paddled around Misery Island in Manchester, MA, where I live, in a race that my husband created and directed called The Misery Challenge (what a name!). Last year at this very same time, at this very same race, I had been without a voice for 3 months, was so thin I could barely make it up a flight of stairs, and could be found on most days lying down – searching for answers about why I was so sick (misery pretty much describes it). By September I was hospitalized at Mass General in Boston, quarantined in a negative pressurized room, and diagnosed with….tuberculosis. So unlikely. So surprising. So strange. I’m still trying to put the pieces together of why and how that happened to me – but mostly I marvel at how far I’ve come and how grateful I am to be healthy, strong and able to kayak 4 miles around an island with choppy waves and the force of the Atlantic behind it! But it’s not an accident either.

I share this because my prognosis for healthy, strong lungs was not good – even though TB is usually curable. Would I ever be able to run? To walk up a hill? To dance all night? With less than 50% lung capacity toward the end of my treatment, my pulmonologist gave me a prescription – and it was to exercise daily for 45 minutes – breathlessly – no matter what.

So, I’ve been doing that. And now I see what he meant. I feel stronger and better than EVER, with a renewed perspective on my life, my work, my relationships. He knew that even though my capacity couldn’t really increase, my FUNCTIONALITY could. And I thought  – what a metaphor! Some of us can’t become bigger or more of what we already are – but we can function or perform at a higher level – which usually means more of whatever we want, and better versions of it at the same time.

A singular focus on a goal, done daily, yields results. But as he said, it’s the “100% rule. That means just that. Every. Single. Day.”

What single thing can you commit to?? Please tell me. It will encourage me to stay on the path. It can be personal or professional. Just share it. And if you’ve already committed, I’d love to know your results!

What a great word. And what a great sentiment – since most of us aim to be brave-er, strong-er, bold-er in our embracing of life and work.

Lately I’ve been asking the “if not now, then when?” question.

Since that started, I’ve taken up African Dance (see a recent performance here!), fired a lucrative strategy client, asked a favorite client for a bigger role, and told a high ranking CEO that his messaging needed First Aid.

All this stuff feels brave. The reason is that it’s possible to lose something by doing it – whether that’s losing face, losing confidence, losing money. But brave has no time for those concerns. When you take brave and decide to connect it with the greatest possible good, productive, exciting, miraculous things happen.

What have you braved lately? Tell me. I want to know. And if you haven’t, how can I help?

Brave waits for only one thing – and that’s you.

August is a slow month….so you won’t see much SMARTY event action. Enjoy the unstructured nature of this lazy summer month!

I have them. You have them, too. The question is, are we willing to hear about them from other people? 

The hardest thing about a blind spot is that you just don’t know it’s there, no matter how hard you want to know. The only way you find out about it is when someone braves up and tells you – which is usually a disruptive, startling, blind-siding event – like being hit by an emotional truck. Blind spots exist in the professional universe as well as the personal, but it’s the personal that impacts the professional sense of stability, and much less the other way around.

Inevitably, we have enough relationships that go deep enough or become important enough that we become aware of these behaviors that offend, hurt, alienate, control or otherwise damper positive feelings from others – and at that point we have a choice. We can become hyper-present and hope to catch future offending trains before they leave the station, or, decide we are who we are, and change is impossible or at least improbable.

I think the more important question to ask about blind spots is this; what if, instead of the surprise punch to the gut, we actually asked our peers and friends to put us on the hot seat for blind spot reviews? Sort of a tell-me-everything kind of thing. This is totally terrifying. But it’s also potentially liberating. And much less surprising.

Can we manage and hold the nausea of that uncertainty, of that big, blank, pregnant space of “what will they say?”  long enough to get to what could be a big, juicy, gratifying, satisfying, elevating, profit-making, game-changing evolution on the other side?

Maybe we should try. Could be worth it.

One thing I hear small business owners lament is — “I just don’t have time for my friends anymore.” I call B.S.

It may feel like that sometimes – especially in the early years, when you’re overwhelmed, and scheduling and to-do lists seem endless. But that statement isn’t really true, and even if it is, it shouldn’t be.

We all have cycles of production that are hyper-focused, meaning our heads are down and our brains are on-mission in a way that only realistically allows for work, family, a shower here and there, and more work. Everyone gets that — whether they have a 9 – 5 job or are also self-employed. But don’t make the mistake of thinking that people are only valuable if they add to your growth plan. I’ll admit that the less intimate ones may take a backseat – because prioritization takes over and maybe everyone doesn’t make the ‘cut’, as it were. But there’s another phenomenon that happens in this realm — when suddenly you’re “someone” in your field.

I think it’s safe to say we all hope to achieve a level of respect or fame in our respective disciplines – right? It’s not as though anyone expects to make headlines at the WSJ, but you hope to earn a name for yourself after decades of work. That’s reasonable.

But what happens when an old friend reaches out – maybe one who isn’t in the same arena, who doesn’t compare to your list of fans and followers, who hasn’t published a book, started a brand, taken a stage or been on the Today Show? I’ll give you a quiz – see what you answer.

A. Reach back with an opening for tea in the next month (or sincerely explain why schedules are tight).

B. Have an assistant reach back with events or class times you’ll be leading – because along with a few hundred other people – at least you’ll be in the same room!

C. Don’t reach back because you either don’t really feel like making time (or worse, you don’t see them as helpful in your ascent.)

The only good answer here is A, but unfortunately B and C happen all the time.

Let’s not be jerks just because we’ve become ‘very important people.’ It’s gross. Be the same kind of person you aim for as a business owner. Authentic. Sincere. Grounded.

There’s no point in having high ideals in entrepreneurship if they don’t apply to your soul.

Amy

I once visited a therapist who had two doors to her office – one that got you into the foyer, and the next that led to her inner private office. The first one had two handles and acted like a normal door. The second only had a handle on one side – her side. So you couldn’t open it from the outside (just in case you went insane from waiting while another client wiped away the tears/rage/frustration/radical truth of her session). I always saw this as an interesting metaphor.

So many times with our business we have that outer door with two handles locked down in the form of beautiful business cards, a well functioning website, great people skills, and clients who love us. But what’s missing is something really clear for our customers to buy.

If your services or offerings feel like a smorgasbord, it’s just too hard to get “in” to your business. There’s no handle. The door feels un-openable because it’s all too confusing, overwhelming, unclear, and ambiguous. So customers leave, and they’re never quite sure why. Yes it’s literal when it comes to a real door, but in a business, it just feels like something that seemed like a good idea – and then never happened.

Stand for something – it doesn’t have to be everything. Commit to highlighting it. You’ll feel a bit like “but what about this? And that? And I also do this!” Just calm down. They need to find a handle to get in and walk through the door – because if they don’t – they’ll never find the treasures of your company, services, or products in the first place.

Amy

Oh the sweet power of earned wisdom. Most of us are so busy IN the day-to-day of our business, with little if any time to advise up-and-comers or intel-seekers, to even realize how smart we’ve become. But sit across the table from someone who wants to be you someday, and you quickly realize how far you’ve traveled. It’s a uniquely satisfying feeling, as I’m sure you’ll agree.

One of our biggest messages is one that will become even clearer in the coming months, and that is the power of collective intelligence. One of the reasons SMARTY even exists is to pool information in a structured yet organic way, so that each of us benefits from the others experience. There isn’t one of us who has the time to dig as deeply as ideally required on a particular channel or industry to get the information we really need. So what do we do? Depend on the kindness of vetted strangers. But who are they? They are members of a like-minded community committed to growth, collaboration and real-time support. Not the kind of “sure I’ll make that introduction!” with no follow-up. Not the “let’s DEFINITELY have coffee” with no return email. The kind that looks like this – “sure I’ll send you my proposal to that company so you can see what one looks like” or “Yes I have a ton of interior designers/ personal trainers/ food stylists/ graphic designers who would love to know about this, send me the link.”

Giving – with boundaries and a genuine motivation to serve – is more fulfilling than getting. And getting, when you’re on that fortunate end, just makes you want to give more of what you have.

Ask. Thank. Do. Repeat. It’s a great cycle if you can get in on it.

Amy